It’s Christmastime in North Central Florida which means temperatures vary in a day like seasons– wintery in the morning and summery by mid-day.
Haint wants to go to the beach–take a break from running her retreat. Relax. Instead, merry mayhem comes for her like an avalanche. Her retreat fills to capacity with friends and strangers.
The perfect ticket for a fun Christmas read!
But really, if you like humor and mystery and autumn, I bet you’d like my “Monkey” books.
It all started with the soft opening of my meditation retreat. I thought it would be an easy practice run. A handful of guests, yoga, meditation, good food, and relaxation. Yeah, well, there’s always what you want to happen vs. what really happens, right? Let’s just say that the weekend was murder and about killed my business dead.
Business limped along until an uptick at Halloween. All of a sudden, I had Wiccans, preppers, a weight loss club, drag queens and cryptozoologists as guests. All at the same time!
The Wiccans wanted to use my meditation circle for their Samhain ceremonies, while
Dr. Crypto and his pals were setting up trail cameras to catch a Skunk Ape–
The drag queens were rocking it into the night —
The preppers were planning for TEOTWAWKI (The End of the World As We Know It)—
And some of the weight loss club members were taking liberties with the diet–
things went French farce as several guests, including my yoga instructor, went missing.
Murder?
Skunk Ape abduction?
Or something else?
So, if you’re looking for something fun to read to get you in the autumn mood, check out the “Monkey” books. More mayhem to come! I’m about to publish the next one in time for Christmas:
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Haint Blue needs a vacation. It looks like she’ll be alone for Christmas. Her relationship with Buster is in limbo. Why not slip off to the beach? She can almost taste the fish tacos and fried shrimp. But before she can make a motel reservation, psychic Aunt Moira calls. “I had a vivid dream this morning. There was a bright Christmas tree…children laughing…an empty deep freezer in a garage. You were wringing your hands in a red apron. Some weird nursery rhyme repeated ‘the larder was bare’. The dream tells me that you need to stock your pantry; you’re going to be a busy hostess this Christmas. Get your holiday cookbooks out, Sweetheart.”
Surely not.
As the 25th approaches, the phone calls begin.
“Haint? This is Yolanda, from Paco’s. Our restaurant stove–something is wrong. It’s gas. Sometimes it works and then suddenly nada. Sometimes I swear I smell gas. I’m not going to play with gas. I’m afraid of gas. We were wondering if you had a few cabins?”
“Haint? Max. Listen, my sister Nellavon thinks I’m dying. She’s got this hairbrained notion to get the family together. I can’t talk her out of it. I know business has been slow, and I was wondering, you gonna be open for the holidays?”
“We’re travelling with rescue alpacas… do you have space to exercise them?”
“We’re the Lame Brain Zombie LARPers…party of seven, do you have a cabin?”
“My client wants privacy.”
The calls keep coming. And odd little gifts keeping showing up and disappearing. What’s that about?
As the retreat fills to capacity, strangers become family for a Haint Blue Christmas.
Looking for a funny, feel-good holiday romp with a bit of mystery? This is the one.
Now available in paperback in full color (it’s chock full of pictures) or black and white and as an eBook.
Kindle book is free with Amazon unlimited:
Haint's Retreat 